SPEECHES

WEDDING SPEECHES 

There  are no  laws  about wedding  speeches, only customs.  Here is a general guide for the UK, although even  then are exceptions.  For example, at Jewish weddings,  the groom usually speaks last of all, after the best man.  In Scotland a similar sequence is often followed, while in Ireland, anybody who wishes to speak seems to do so. 

The Bride's Father.

1.  Proposes toast to the bride and groom.  The toast may be used to end the speech instead.

2. Welcome to groom's parents by name, then other relatives of both families, then friends,  then any distinguished guest, and others by name if appropriate.

3. Thanks for special services by name e.g. bride's mother, caterers, voluntary helpers.

4. Praises bride's appearance, and achievements, thanks her for her part in family life.

5. Welcomes the groom into family with words of praise.

6. Words of wisdom to newlyweds, usually light-hearted and humorous. Wishes the happy couple well  on life's journey.

The Groom.

1. Toast to bridesmaids, mention them by name.  The toast may be used to end the speech instead.

2. Thanks the bride's parents for the reception, toast, and words of welcome into the family.

3. Thanks his own parents for their family life and his own upbringing.

4. Thanks best man for his services.  Adds a few humorous comments about the best man.

5. Says how he and the bride met.   Says how wonderful she is, thanks parents for the gift of their daughter.

Best Man

1. Thanks bride and groom for their invitation to him to be best man.

2.  Reads one or two greetings cards etc., then leaves others to be seen by guests afterwards.

3. Thanks groom for his toast to the bridesmaids and his gifts to them.

4. Wishes bride and groom well in their new life together.

5. Sings grooms praises, if any, expresses admiration for the bride.

6. Winds up speeches by thanking hosts on behalf of the guests, introduces next item.

The father of the bride’s speech

Traditionally, the father of the bride is the first speaker proper – apart from a brief introduction from the best man - so your speech is a sort of scene-setter for what’s to come. The idea behind this is doubtless linked with the fact that the father of the bride was always supposed to foot the bill for the wedding - so if you're paying, you should at least be allowed to get your oar in first! Even today, fathers of brides are often advised to begin, as a 'gesture of humility', by thanking anyone else who has contributed to the cost of the wedding.

In your speech, you'll probably want to talk about your daughter, as - again, as the tradition would have it - you hand her over from your care into that of her new partner. Fathers and daughters are always thought to have very special relationships, but try and avoid the cliches and talk realistically and affectionately about your own specific relationship: its ups and downs, the funny foibles and the silly stories.

Your speech also offers the chance to officially welcome the groom into your family, so you may want to talk about how your side first got to know him, what your first impressions were etc. You may also want to take the opportunity to welcome the joining together of your family and the groom's. Here, you might mention happy times the two families have already shared and/or look forward to the prospect of getting to know each other better.

Of course, your remarks will be made on behalf of both yourself and your partner, as a couple (unless, of course, your partner is speaking too). If your partner has died, this may be the moment to say a few words in her memory, and to say some words of approval and welcome to bride and groom on her behalf too.

Father of the bride’s speech checklist
Points you may like to include:

Opening remarks - perhaps mention the success of the wedding so far, any amusing incidents etc.

Thank everyone for attending, perhaps making special mention of those who've come a long way.

Stories and remarks about your daughter, watching her grow up and change. Your hopes for her, the ways in which she has foiled or surpassed your expectations etc.

Stories and remarks about her and the groom - how he was first introduced to you (and your partner), what you thought of him, how your relationship has developed, how you feel he complements your daughter etc.

Say something about the groom that has surprised you or something that you've learnt from him.

Make sure your comments include your own partner too - especially if she’s not speaking herself.

Finish with a toast to the health and happiness of the bride and groom.

The Groom’s Speech

Traditionally, your speech comes between the father of the bride and the best man's. It provides you, as a couple, with the opportunity say your thank yous to all the people who have helped to make the wedding come together and to present them with gifts.

It also gives you a chance to reflect on the event that has brought everyone together. You may well want to talk about how you met your bride, some funny and/or touching anecdotes describing how romance developed and perhaps say something about the nature of love and marriage in general.

Remember, if your bride is not speaking, that all your words should be from both of you. Bear this in mind throughout your speech - you don't want to just include your new wife in a single section of it as if you'd only just remembered to bung her in at the last minute! Oh - and beginning your speech 'My wife and I...' usually provokes some immediate audience participation.

Groom’s speech checklist:
Your speech is likely to include:

Thanks to the father of the bride (and any other speakers) for their speeches. If he has expressed his faith in you (or said something similar), you might want to say something along the lines that you hope that you won't let him down/are proud to be his son-in-law etc.

Some topical remarks about how successfully the wedding is going, perhaps drawing in some references to any amusing or striking incidents that have happened on the day.

Thank and offer presents to all the people who have helped with the wedding, including the two sets of parents (especially the mothers) and the 'retinue' - bridesmaids, ushers, page boys, flower girls etc. Add in here mentions and/or gifts to anyone else you want to thank - dressmakers, performers, caterers etc.

Thank everyone for coming. Send good wishes to any guests who are too ill to attend etc.

Describe the background to the happy day. How did you and your bride meet? What were your first impressions - and hers? Who made the first move? Any other amusing or embarrassing stories (tip: the more humiliating to you, the funnier for everyone else!).

Say something addressed exclusively from you to your bride about how happy you are to be marrying her and how much you are looking forward to your shared future etc.

A few words about the best man, perhaps pretending to dread what he will be saying about you. This will help to introduce him to those guests who haven't met him before.

Conclude with a toast to the bridesmaids from you and your new wife.

The Best Man’s Speech

Of all the traditional speeches at the wedding reception, the best man's is the most anticipated. Guests look for humour from all the speeches, and are usually happy to reward even the feeblest attempt at a joke with gales of booming laughter. But the expectation has grown up that, whether or not any of the other speakers can stretch to a gag, the best man at least should do his best to put on a bit of a show and raise a few chuckles.
Actually, this is not as daunting as it sounds. The best man usually speaks last, by which time guests tend to have relaxed considerably (a fact not unconnected with the wine that is disappearing at a rapid rate from the tables). By this time their sense of humour threshold will have lowered considerably, so anything that vaguely looks like a punch line should bring the house down.
Another advantage you'll have at this point is familiarity. Usually – unless you're posh enough to have a separate Master of Ceremonies - you the best man will have been acting as the host or anchorman of the whole occasion, so by the time you get up to say your piece guests will be used to your ways.

Your role, in fact, is a multiple one. As the groom's best friend, it is your job to humiliate the Main Man in as amusing a fashion as possible. As host, you will read out telegrams and pass on any practical announcements - anything people need to know, for instance, about the evening's activities. And as traditional head of the wedding assistants, you will also speak on behalf of the bridesmaids.

Collect a lot of keys from the wedding party/friends WITHOUT  the  bride and groom's  knowledge. Pass them out to as many  women as  possible (swearing  them to secrecy). During  your  speech, announce  "The bride realises that the groom has had a lot of girlfriends over the years. She would appreciate it if any of them who have keys  to his place could please return them."
This is  the cue for all  the women to bring their keys to the wedding party  table. Try  to  get a couple of pregnant women in the group and  maybe somebody's grandma.

Best Man’s speech checklist
Points you may like to include:

The traditional best man's beginning often involves thanking the bride and groom for their gifts  and compliments to 'the team' of bridesmaids, ushers, page boys etc.

Read any telegrams and other messages from invited guests unable to attend the wedding.

Also near the start, you might want to tell some behind-the-scenes stories  about preparing for the wedding - especially any amusing incidents, narrowly averted disasters etc.

Make a point of addressing the couple, and especially of talking to and about the bride too. Too many best man's speeches almost entirely overlook her.

And so to the traditional main task - embarrassing the groom. Your material should be funny without being nasty, risqué without being offensive. Props are often used here, and stories - or hints at stories - from the stag night often crop up too.

It can seem like a good idea to mention past relationships, but tread carefully. The golden rule: If there's a chance it might upset the bride... leave it out.

Leaven the mockery with some sincerity. Talk about how you met the groom, how you came to be best mates, how much you really think of him, your perspective on the growing relationship between bride and groom, how he behaved differently with her (the moment I knew it was serious...), your best wishes for their future together etc.

If you have any messages to read, include them after your main speech.

Conclude with a toast to the bride and groom.

The Bride’s speech

As the bride, you have the most interesting role of all when it comes to the speeches. For, whereas the other main speakers - father of the bride, best man and so on - have speaking roles with huge traditions attached to them - father dotes on daughter, best man humiliates groom etc - you and your speech labour under no such burden of expectation.

This is because - although it is by no means uncommon any more - the bride's speech is still a very new development in terms of the history of wedding procedure. And that means that you still have the choice to say pretty much what you like and when you like. It's your call.

If your father is not present, then you may want to speak first of all, in the traditional father-of-the-bride slot. Some couples opt to stand up and speak together (in many ways, a very logical choice); others prefer to speak separately, and each address different themes (the other's family, for instance). Or you may prefer to speak after - or before - your husband, or even after the best man, as the very last speaker.

Brides speech checklist
The content of the bride's speech is utterly flexible, but here are some ideas to get you started.

Thanks to everyone who's attending, especially long-lost friends and people who've travelled a long way.

Thanks to the people who've supported you through the stress of preparing for the wedding.

A special word about your mum, not just to thank her for her role in the wedding, but to describe your relationship with her over the years.

If you like, you could echo the pattern of your new husband's speech: how you met, your first impressions, things you liked and didn't like about him; how the relationship developed; your thoughts on love and marriage; a more personal message from you to him.

Thank guests for all their gifts (if the groom hasn't).

It may also make more sense, if you are saying thank yous to other people, for you to thank the bridesmaids too (rather than the groom).

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